I often see various Lolita blogs and individuals commenting on the difference between the way they dress and the way they act. Some feel that dressing pretty has nothing to do with the way you act, others think you should act in a manner appropriate to the fashion. While I will not look down upon a person who acts more brashly, even when dressed in Lolita clothing, I have always held the highest respect for the manners that were once so commonplace in society but are now so rare. I miss the days when there were actual ladies and gentlemen, and I find myself respecting those who uphold such behavior all that much more (but again, I do not respect those who do not any less. It is like having a baseline, a level of respect that I give all individuals automatically when I meet them, manners just raise a person higher above that line). This extends to everyday behavior as well, common courtesy is so lost in todays society, and it is amazing how far a little kindness can get you. So, I just though I would share some basic manners. I may turn this into a regular thing, I will see how it feels.
I. Ask yourself, if I were…(other person’s shoes)
II. Never interrupt when someone is talking.
III. Be sensitive to feelings. If you sense embarrassment or that she is uncomfortable, quickly change the subject.
IV. Quickly apologize when you’ve made an error.
V. Be direct and firm if you have to but kindly.
VI. Never assume! Don’t make assumptions about anything! Read my next article on common mistakes.
VII. Always say please and thank you, say your greetings and goodbyes. Make an effort to talk to even the shyest, most awkward person in the room.
VIII. Give praise when praise is due. Learn to give a little heartfelt praise.
IX. Never draw attention to yourself. Or take over the conversation. Or dominate the conversation.
X. Encourage one another! We all need it.
XI. Don’t be too hard on others when people make mistakes.
XII. When offended, don’t take offense.
XIII. Pretend not to notice or make light of the situation when someone is caught in a awkward position like when she falls, knocks over a bottle of wine, sneezes, coughs, or has a pimple.
XIV. Do not stare!
XV. Do not laugh at people.
XVI. Do not be a snob.
XVII. Do not ask what brand of clothes or shoes or how much it costs.
Obviously some of these are easier than others, and some of these have a time and a place. For instance, since it is right there on my screen, the last one. When applying this to Lolita Fashion, it is acceptable to inquire about someones clothing, it is a fashion community. However, this rule could extend to not ridiculing a person for wearing off-brand vs. brand or similar. Otherwise, I like this list.